The Battle Begins: featuring Kel!
by The J
Summary: When a huge spider threatens the life of the one and only Kel who can save her? Can any one save her? What evil will the Human convert do? A story for lovers of the strange and unexpected full of random things and cool names
1. Default Chapter

This is the first in a seris of adventures in Tortall.

so without further ado like all good FanFics start : i do not own any of Tamora's people but i do own all of the Cutlery Clan and any other new people (i also own the goat in chapter 3)

Before i finally begin i'd like you to know that

SS Super Spoon

FFF Freak Face Fork

ss Salad and Sever

NN Ninja Nives

These are some sortcuts i have taken because it takes ages to type other wise!

so here is......

**SUPER SPOON vs FREAK FACE FORK**

**the battle begins**

_featuring Keladry of Mindelan_

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IT was a beautifully sunny afternoon when

Keladry of Mindelan decided to walk down to the outdoor path to the Own's Barracks. She was nearly there when suddenly a big hairy spider (the size of an African elephant) decided to eat her for afternoon tea

(You see he hadn't eaten since breakfast (he was on a diet) and so he was really hungry!)

It waited until she was right under him and attacked without a sound.

She didn't know what was happening until it was happening

Her scream was muffled by His long hair (you see he hadn't had time to shave that week)

She struggled and struggled

And suddenly SUPER SPOON showed up!

He stood against the sun his crimson blood stained blue cape flitted behind him.

"It's SURER SPOON!!!!!! I'm saved" cried Kel knowing that SS would save her! "Help me SS!!!" she cried!

"Never fear it is FREAK FACE FORK in costume!" cried SS as he flew down to the Spider aka FFF

He reached bravely down to the "spiders" head and ripped of FFF's mask!

FFF screeched and tried to run but his costume was now a hindrance he tried to undo the zip but it got caught and finally he slashed the costume to bits but in the process he slashed himself several time!

SS was to smart!

He thought this might happen and he already had his army of Ninja Nifes waiting behind the castle for his signal!

SS yelled "SIGNAL!!!!!!!!!!!!"

That was their signal to attack

They plunged into the fray without a thought for they own lives!!!!!!!!!!!

A big cloud of dust engulfed them!

"DUST!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"cried Kel in despair "they can't survive the DUST!!!!!!!"

She broke down into sobs and a maid comforted her.

When the dust died down FFF was pinned down by SS sidekicks the twins called...

Salad and Server!

"Give up" cried SS

"NEVER!!!!!!!!!!" yelled FFF as he struggled against salad and sever.

"Then die" threatened SS

"you'll have to kill me first!" retorted FFF

"Fine" said SS as he pulled out.....

THE BLACK SPOON OF DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FFF mouth opened in horror THE BLACK SPOON OF DEATH would instantly paralyse you then slowly disintegrate your bones over 3 years it would then tickle you for 6 months and then slowly devour you over 2 year (depending on how big you are)

He lifted it to the sun and was about to plunge it into FFF when FFF sidekick the evil human convent SAM jumped up and used the force fork ( an evil device made in the pits of hell with the fire from the breath of a Dragon called Dragon) and spilt the spoon ever so slightly but it was enough!

The spoon glowed red and self destructed in a pile of black plastice ashes (and boy did it smell!!!!)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried all the good guys!!!!!!!!!!!

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!" cried the bad guy and girl

In the blazing light of the destruction FFF and SAM managed to over power them and got away

"I'll get you FFF if it's the first and last thing I do!!!!" cried SS

"I'll get you SAM if it's the last thing I do" cried KEL

FFF and Sam only laughed an evil hight pitched laugh as they ran into the distant sunset that was blood red

And so begin the adventures of SS and Kel and their fight for justice for all human and cutlery kind!!!!!!

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**_Make sure to tune in next time for _**

**SS vs FFF**

**The quest begins **

_featuring Kel and SAM_


	2. The Quest Begins

Once again Kel and other like people do not belong to me but Sam and the Cutlery Clan do and all their weapons

**SS vs. FFF**

**The Quest Begins **

_**Staring Kel** _

_Featuring SAM_

Several days after the revelation that FFF had a human convert with him that once worked in the palace every where was in complete uproar. FFF had nearly killed their precious only Lady Kel (Alana had died the previous year from some strange bowl obstruction which is rumoured by _Knight News_ to be cause by her swallowing a shard of a sword in her last battle) IF SS had not turned up she would be dead. All of the knights had been called in to talk about the best way to defend themselves.

The news from The Tableland was that FFF with the help of SAM managed to get a group of Tae Kwan Do Tongs (pronounced Thai kwan doe if u didn't know.). Hearing this Kel went to talk to SS

"SS I have to kill SAM I had a vision that it was my quest my destiny! I have to come with you I have to or I shall perish with despair!!!!!!" begged Kel on bended knee. She was planing to go with him even if he said no. SS looked at the newly knighted knight.

"Very well but it will be dangerous."

"Yes!!!!" Kel screamed and did a "victory dance" around the room while singing some thing that somewhat resembled _"WE are the champions" _in b# (it was a cross between the Egyptian /bum dance /disco fingers and the leg swim) SS ran out of the room. He just couldn't stand it.

That night all the NN and a few specially selected knights packed their bags. Kel sat on her bed looking at her packed bags and smiled. She new this is what she had to do. She had to get that treacherous snake SAM. She had been her maid for about a year and a half and Kel had told her everything! She shuddered to think how much SAM had learnt from her. She, Kel had been feeding the enemy information for 1 ½ years!!!! She was so angry all the stuff FF was because of her. She could hear SAM's evil laugh in her head. She screamed and pick up the thing neared to her and threw it at the door just as Neal and Dom walked in.

"Sorry Kel, if you didn't like the book." Neal said picking up the book he had given to her (which is what Kel had thrown) "I liked it."

Kel smiled and said that it wasn't the book it was SAM. Whenever she said that name a insane look came into her eyes.

"Kel please don't go all obsessive on us." Pleaded Dom seeing the look in her eyes. Kel just took the book of Neal and pretended to read it. "Kel, please! She is unstable a maniac!!!! Who knows what she thinks that is if she even does!!!!!" pleaded Dom.

Kel ignored him. "Kel she is a freak and FFF got away from SS so I don't know how you think you can get at her! FFF protects her he's like obsessed with her, he always wanted a sidekick!."

"KEL!!!!" screamed Neal as he grabbed the book out of her hands.

"I was reading that!" she snarled

"It was upside down!!"

Kel stood up "I'm going and that's final!!!!!" and stormed out of the room.

That morning SS the NNs were ready to leave to find FFF and Sam. Kel sat on her horse 'Elf' a pure white mare given to her by SS for the Quest. She sat proudly atop her dressed all in white and stood out against the blood red sunrise.

They all lead out in a mighty procession with women openly weeping and the NN wives and babies yell good luck and death threats to FFF and SAM.

And so the quest begain.......

Latter when they had stoped to camp on the outskirts of Tableland Kel and SS talk about what to do

"We nead..... THE RED STRAW OF DOOM!!!!!! It the on;y thing that will destroy FFF." SS sadi sipping a cup of Salads famous Hot Chocolate.

"You'r right SS, were can we get it??" Ke; said standing up as if to get it at once.

"It is only found in the Moving Cave of Cinima, but were that is nobody knows because it is always moving." Replied SS

Kel strode of angrily. How could she defeat FFF and SAM? With THE RED STRAW OF DOOM!!!! How could she get that?? well she couldn't so she couldn't kill SAM.

She wandered in the woods for hours until she was quite lost. She sat on a log and as she did it was dislodged and rolled down the hill and into a lagoon taking Kel with it!

After many curses, she finally recovered and look down at herself. Seeing the state of her best gear and all her cut and bruises she looked up. And there she saw a light it glowed and then exploded to leave behind a figure of a lady.

Kel's jaw dropped for it was the 9th sister of the Goddess of battle called Numbièr Nyen (said Nu---mber Nine)

'Kel" she said in a voice like air. "You must find THE RED STRAW OF DOOM!!! It is the only way to save all those you love!" she voice was carried away on the wind.

"But it's in a place that is always moving!!!! How can I find it it's always moving?????" Kel yelled in anger.

"Go to Cinimar and find the land that calls to you! Answer it's call bravely and then find the Saver Tiket and go to the "the Great Steps" with Saver Tiket and you shall find what you seek." Numbièr Nyen was starting to fade away into nothing!

"Come back!!!" cried Kel

"Be Brave." Were her last words before she left.

Kel stood stunned for several minutes then started to try and find her way back to camp.

Several hours later she came charging through the forest and headed strait to SS's tent. She burst in just in time to see SS getting changed. But little did dhe care she had a job to do now.

While SS hurredly got dressed, Kel told him what happened.

"So what do you want to do?" asked SS panting from the speed he got dressed at.

"We're going to Cinimar." By the dim light in the tent her eyes gleamed with the thought of finally getting SAM!

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Next time

**_SS vs. FFF_**

**_The Arival at Cinimar_**

**_Staring Kel_**


End file.
